What I Want My Children to Know About Rape

I know it's the Christmas/ New Year season, and I don't want to put a damper on everyone's celebrations by talking about rape. But 1) I finally have time to blog, and 2) perhaps it is a fitting time to talk about it what with people visiting and the alcohol flowing.

Lately, discussions about "rape" and "rape culture" has been a hot topic lately, especially with the high profile accusations against Bill Cosby for allegedly drugging and raping over 20 women, and the botched Rolling Stones article about the University of Virginia fraternity rape. To drive home the point, I read a blog post the other day commenting about the Christmas song, "Baby, It's Cold Outside," in which the author argued that the song hints of drug-rape. Of course, that might be reading too much into the song, but after reading the blog post, well, you can't help but wonder if the author had a valid point.

These past few days, a lesbian friend of mine has also taken to Facebook to create a movement in Columbus to boycott a LGBT club, Wall Street Night Club. It started when she and her partner were at the club, and noticed a flyer advertising a comic performance with a disgusting caricature image of Bill Cosby raping a scantily-clad Kim Kardashian (I've seen the flier and it is extremely distasteful). My friend told the club owner about her objections to the flyer, to which the owner retorted by calling my friend an "angry dyke." To cut a long story short, the club refused to apologize for the flyer (justification: censorship is never okay), and now there is a Facebook group for dykes and their allies in Columbus who support the boycott, and are anti-sexual violence in general (yes, I'm a member because I support their cause).

I'm not going to add much since there is already so much out there about this topic, but here are some things I want my children, daughters and sons, to know about rape and sexual violence:

- Rape is NEVER right. If you are forced to perform a sexual act against your consent, single or married, conscious or unconscious, it's rape. Meanwhile, if your partner says "no," you jolly well respect that and stop.

- It's NEVER too late to tell your story of rape, such as Abigail Hauslohner who wrote this piece for the Washington Post, "It Should Never Be Too Late To Tell Your Story of Rape. 14 Years Later, This is Mine."

- You don't deserve to be raped EVER, even if what you wore/ did aroused and provoked your rapist. See point 1.

- On the other hand, your dressing and actions do impact those around you. So, even though dressing and behaving modestly is not solely about helping others control their thoughts and actions, you can do your part to create a more conducive environment that encourages cleaner thoughts and higher standards of behavior.

- Rape is NEVER funny, even when disguised as a comic performance meant to provoke discussion about rape. Hidden scars run deep and you never know how it will affect victims of sexual assault.

- Wolf-whistling isn't paying a compliment; it's sexual harassment, and you have a right to report it. For that matter, do your part to stop wolf-whistling and other forms of sexual harassment.

- The gospel counsels us to "stand in holy places," practice the Word of Wisdom, and live the law of chastity for good reason. Obedience to such teachings doesn't guarantee that you won't find yourself hurt, but it does significantly decrease your chances of being sexually harassed and violated.

- If, however, you fall victim to rape, remember that there is absolutely nothing for you to be ashamed of. You are not dirty/ unclean/ worthless. Unfortunately, we live in a society that perpetuates "rape culture" to a certain degree, and shames raped victims (see HERE for a good article of "rape culture"). This is WRONG.

- Most importantly, I love you and want you to know that you can always talk to me if you have been sexually assaulted. Rape is never right, and it's never too late to tell someone about it. True, there are rapists who will never be caught, and will only face justice in the next life. But you can overcome that horrid experience and move on, because you are strong and loved. I don't know why God allows such things to happen-- I myself struggle with this question. But I do know that without God, nothing will be made right, but with God, all things are possible. Never forget that.

"If our lives are centered on Christ, nothing can ever go permanently wrong. 

But if they're not centered on Christ, nothing can ever go permanently right."

Sheri L. Dew, quoting Howard W. Hunter

"Sweet Above all that is Sweet," BYU Women's Conference

O God, When Will This End?

News just broke that the Taliban staged a siege on an elite army high school, and killed at least 141 students and teachers. The International Business Times UK speculated that it might be linked to Malala Yousafzai's receiving of the Nobel Peace Prize. Even if it's not true, 141 people still dead needlessly today.

O God, when will this end?

I Still Believe Anita Hill

Anita Hill visited OSU yesterday, and it was such a pleasure to attend one of the two events that she graciously agreed to participate in.

For those of you unfamiliar with who she is (don't worry, I didn't know about her either until this event), rewind back to 1991. Clarence Thomas had been nominated by Pres. George W. H. Bush as a Supreme Court Justice, and was waiting for confirmation by the Senate. Part of the confirmation process involved a very thorough background check on the candidate. Enter Anita Hill.

Hill had worked with Thomas from 1981 to 1983, first at the Department of Education's Office of Civil Rights, then at the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission. During those brief years, Thomas harassed Hill by making lewd sexual comments to her about his penis (he named it "Long Dong Silver"- go figure), women in pornographic films, and (probably one of the most famous anecdotes) pubic hair on his coca cola can.

Thomas and Hill when they worked together

Hill complained to her friends, but decided not to pursue charges against Thomas because, well, frankly women "sucked it up" then as part of trying to break the glass ceiling, and if they did file complains, they weren't taken seriously. However, when contacted to comment on Thomas' character during his bid for Supreme Court Justice, Hill finally broke her silence. She initially issued a private statement to the Senate about Thomas' behavior, but that statement was leaked and splashed across national news.  Subpoenaed by the Senate to determine the veracity of her remarks, Hill appeared in front of an all-white, all-male Senate Judiciary Committee, and was forced to rehash the humiliation she suffered under Thomas again and again and again (hence, we know the name of Thomas' penis...).

Unfortunately, the Senate Judiciary Committee did all they could to poke holes into her testimony, and Thomas finally pulled out the "race card," claiming this was a "high-tech lynching" of "uppity Blacks," -- conveniently forgetting that Hill was one of those educated, higher-income African Americans herself, and black women had been lynched historically too! The Senate eventually confirmed Thomas as a S.C. Justice in a 52-48 vote, where he continues to serve today.

All these events were recounted in the moving 2013 documentary, Anita: Speaking Truth to Power, directed by Academy Award-winning filmmaker, Freida Lee Mock. I really want to assign this film as part of my course(s) I teach in the future.

Thankfully, Hill's story has a more auspicious ending. Inspired by her example, more women began coming forward to report cases of sexual harassment in their workplaces, compelling the government to face and atone for its silent complicity of this decades-long pervasive problem. More women also ran for Congress in the 1992 elections, and won 5 seats in the Senate and 24 in the House. Hill is currently a professor at Brandeis University, and travels across the nation to promote an anti-sexual harassment platform at various events, such as the one at OSU where were watched the documentary and then had a Q-&-A session with her and Mock.

Must resist temptation to buy...
Groceries or shirt... 

I have deep admiration for Hill for so many reasons. She had the courage to go up against some powerful men instead of withdrawing her statement (which would have been the easier path to take); she remained calm and poised when coerced to repeat parts of her testimony to a committee that was so obviously misogynistic and wanting to humiliate her; she didn't lose her composure despite the intense media scrutiny; she continues her activism today, speaking out against sexual harassment in the workplace and sexual assault on campuses; she remains down to earth and doesn't use highfalutin language to covey ideas or command respect; she recognizes that both women and men can be victims of sexual violence, and calls for everyone to do their part without being radical.

Sexual violence on campuses and in the workplace are very real problems, and we are only beginning to address these issues, such as California's Senate Bill 967 (and even then, this policy has its problems). It's an uphill, arduous, and never-ending journey, but we would do well to join Hill on this trek. After all, everyone -- women, men, children -- benefit when public places are safer spaces.

The Gospel vs. Feminism- FALSE DICHOTOMY

Last night, a group of friends and I were having dinner, when my friends brought up a previous conversation they had over feminism and the gospel. From what I understood, someone said something negative about feminism, and the two females there defended it, and after going back and forth a bit, one guy finally made the statement that if the gospel was preached to everyone, there wouldn't be a need for feminism.

Well that shut the conversation up because who was going to argue against the gospel of Jesus Christ? (They were all practicing Mormons) Plus, it made sense, right? After all, feminism was/ is a reaction to patriarchal oppression, and so if ideally everyone lived the gospel as they should, there wouldn't be any form of bullying, oppression and discrimination. Everyone would treat each other kindly and as equals, thus there wouldn't be a need for feminism.

Yet, something didn't sit quite right to me. As I pondered this issue, I finally realized what didn't feel right-- it was this dichotomy that feminism is antithetical to the gospel of Jesus Christ. I don't think my friends intentionally set up this dichotomy, and I don't think they even realized that they did, but essentially it pitted feminism against the gospel. Because if everyone had and lived the gospel, we wouldn't need feminism.

And this was what I disagreed with because to me, THE GOSPEL IS ABOUT FEMINISM, and you can't separate the two. I am a feminist because I am a Mormon. I'm not a feminist "despite"/ "in spite of" being a Mormon. Rather, living the gospel of Jesus Christ propels me to be a feminist. I suspect that a lot of members, male and female, would come to a consciousness of their own feminism if
1) the term "feminism" hadn't been monopolized and politicized by Western liberal feminists
2) if the Ordain Women fiasco hadn't happened, smearing the term "feminism"
3) if we would, once and for all, eradicate all misinformation that feminism = anti-male. This leads many to believe that feminists = anti-priesthood leaders = anti-prophet and apostles = unfaithful members. UNTRUE

To me, if everyone had and lived the gospel of Jesus Christ according to the very highest standards, I think a lot more people would realize that they too are feminists. Of course, there are many definitions of "feminism" and "feminists" but at a very basic level, a feminist is one who seeks for the equality of genders in a societal system that has created and erected artificial barriers that suppress women unfairly below men solely because of her gender.
Feminists fight against such barriers-- and isn't this what the gospel of Jesus Christ is partly about? Breaking down artificial barriers and prejudices, and treating everyone as equals and with kindness?

I have always remembered what I read in James E. Talmage's Jesus the Christ so many years ago while on my mission:

"The world's greatest champion of woman and womanhood is Jesus Christ."

Jesus Christ lived in a patriarchal society where women were considered and treated as inferior to men. Yet, the Bible is filled with stories of Him breaking misogynistic social barriers to show those around him that women mattered, and that women deserved to be treated with compassion and respect, equal to that shown to the men. If Christ did not have the courage to do so, how different would the Bible be? Just imagine, what if we read that Jesus Christ

• Was rude to his mother, and instead of listening to her pleadings for his help at the wedding in Cana to solve the problem of the shortage of wine, told her instead, "Woman, you should have planned better." 
• Even at His darkest hour while hanging on the cross, ignored his mother's desperation and heartsickness, and abandoned her to fend for herself, even though he knew that John the disciple was capable of taking care of her.   
• In the name of cold, hard "justice," allowed the stoning of the woman caught in adultery
• Refused to heal the woman who secretly touched his garment.
• Rebuffed Mary and Martha's efforts to prepare a meal for him, and wouldn't even enter their home.
• Dismissed Mary and Martha's pleas to raise their brother from the dead. 

Or, what if we imagined the Four Books of the Gospels without the stories of Christ treating women with love, kindness and patience. The Bible would then become a guide on how Jesus treated the men, but it would be silent on how to view and treat women. I shudder to think of how later Christians might have taken this (already there is so much debate about Paul's words that women should not speak in church...).

This is why I believe that the gospel cannot exist without feminism. It wouldn't be the gospel if  Christ didn't show the ultimate example of how to treat those who were considered inferior. It is precisely because Christ was such a champion of woman, and so revolutionary for his time, that the gospel resonates and has so much power with people across space and time. I'm not saying that Jesus Christ was a feminist- "feminist" and 'feminism" are terms of our age, and I can't rewind time and ask Christ if He considers himself a feminist. However, I stand by my belief that the gospel teaches feminist principles.

I have listed other examples of how the gospel is feminist in nature in one of my earlier posts. There is also another BYU professor, Valerie Hudson, who also wrote this article back in 2010 explaining why feminism led her to join the LDS Church.

Hence, it's not that there wouldn't be a need for feminism if everyone knew about and lived the gospel in the most ideal way. On the contrary, feminism would thrive wherever the gospel was spread to because it teaches men to love, respect and treat females with kindness in appropriate ways (and vice-versa).

Sorry, but I'm standing with my female friends in this debate.

Motherhood Matters- HECK YES!!!

I loved this article, written by April Perry from Power of Moms, that was just published in the Deseret News on September 3, 2014. In fact, I love it so much, I'm re-publishing excerpts here (FULL ARTICLE HERE) because it has such a vital message to all mothers everywhere. Let me know what you think! 

Motherhood Matters: 6 reasons to never give up on motherhood

by April Powers

....

Never, never, never give up.

So simple, really. But that phrase has come back to me time and again, and today, I feel impressed to share it.

All of us have challenging times in our lives, and there are varying ways we might choose to give up.

Sometimes mothers mentally check out — and just stop trying. Giving up might mean permanently walking out on the family — thinking that everyone would be better off if Mom weren't there. In some heartbreaking cases, "giving up" means suicide, and children are left to fend for themselves — or make do with a new guardian who tries to take Mom's place. I know I don't fully understand the feelings that would lead to such an extreme, but I can empathize with the perspective a friend shared: "Death is easier than what I am living right now."

I'm not sure who is going to read this post, but if you have ever felt like giving up on motherhood, here are six reasons to stay strong:

1. We are not alone.

Every mother (even if she looks totally put together) has discouraging times.

We might need to look deeper and get past all the talk about room remodels, vacations and parties, but if we look carefully (and encourage honesty), we'll see that everyone else is just as human as we are.

Finding a trusted group of friends and reaching out to other moms has literally been a lifesaver for many, many women. 

...

Sometimes we just need to open up and get talking in order to find the friends we need. [And can I say this has helped me as I've opened myself and talked to friends and fellow grad students about the struggles of grad school? I  truly believe sharing, even just verbal sharing, makes burdens lighter.]

2. Children would rather have an imperfect mom who is struggling to be better than no mom at all.

Deep down we all know this, but we need to remember it — and really believe it.

I heard a story about a young man who went to live with his extended family after his mother took her own life. At his first back-to-school night, hundreds of miles away from his former life, he paused outside the doorway of his classroom and quietly said to his aunt, "Can you please just tell my teacher that you're my mom?"

This story touches my heart every time I think about it...

And I think about my children, who see me at my very worst, but love me anyway. They are so quick to forgive.

I never want my little ones to have to explain to anyone why I gave up. So I won't. I just won't give up.

3. There is beauty all around us. We just need to train ourselves to see it.

I have the opportunity to speak with mothers all around the world, and I know this life doesn't always feel beautiful.

What's beautiful about being so exhausted that you can't even get everyone out of the house? How is it beautiful when your bank account has $3.23, and it's three days until the next paycheck? Where is the beauty in children arguing over who left the milk on the counter?

It's beautiful because it's yours. Because it's real. And because it's full of potential.

Think of a lump of clay, a blank canvas, that seed covered with dirt. What about the bare maple tree in winter? Or the darkest part of the night?

It's about perspective and potential.

The way we enable ourselves to see that beauty is by polishing the lenses through which we see the world. And that's done by taking care of ourselves.

When we get away occasionally with friends, regularly make time to exercise well, eat food that fuels us, get enough rest, and remember we're people, the world looks better. (Click here for an article about getting an extra hour of quiet time each day.)

Is it hard to do these things? You bet. But we do it because it transforms our perspective on life.

4. We have a purpose that's uniquely ours.

...

[Story of author miraculously walking away, completely unharmed, after being ran over by a truck with a camper when she was only 18 months old!]

I found this website about children whose lives have been lost in back-over incidents, and not a day goes by that I don't think about my second chance.

Perhaps that's part of why I'm so purpose-driven — because I came so close to losing this opportunity to live a full life.

But here's the thing, it is so easy to get confused about our purposes. We start thinking we have to look a certain way, dress a certain way and have what everyone else has. We read an amazing blog and yearn to replicate what we see. We get frustrated with our children for "getting in our way." I have to remind myself daily to cling to my purpose — not to get distracted by the siren call of all those "extras" that look so appealing.

5. This life isn't just about us.

I have this as a rotating image on my screen saver:

...

Some days are long and stressful, and we have to work frantically just to keep up, but during those times, we can remember that our work, whether appreciated or not, is sustaining the lives of our children. That is noble. That is beautiful.

6. Today is not forever.

My friend told me the story of a mother who took a bath with her newborn baby one morning. I won't elaborate on the details, but the baby made an explosive mess, and the mother had to yell for her husband to bring a towel and help her get cleaned up. We've all had those really gross moments.

But in the midst of the yuck, she heard a little voice in her head say, "Today is not forever."

Fast-forward a couple of hours, and that same mom was sitting on the couch with her preschool son, who was climbing on her back and laughing while she tickled his legs. His arms wrapped tight around her neck, and smiles covered their faces as they enjoyed the moment.

Then she heard that same voice, reminding her of the same truth, "Today is not forever."

Whatever it is that we're cherishing at the moment — or praying we can simply overcome — our lives won't always be the way they are now.

We have choices and power to change in areas where we are weak. And we have the fortitude to get through those days that feel impossible.

...

It's my hope that each of us can accept the simple challenge to never give up on this beautiful life.

This article is courtesy of Power of Moms, an online gathering place for deliberate mothers.

Feminism is NOT hyper-sexualization

At the most recent MTV Video Music Awards (VMA), Beyonce performed a 16-minute medley of her songs. At the 10th minute, the entire stage was dimmed, and these words

"We teach girls that they cannot be sexual beings in the way that boys are. We teach girls to shrink themselves, make themselves smaller. We say to girls, you can have ambition, but not too much. You should aim to be successful, but not too successful, otherwise you will threaten the man. Feminist (the person who believes in the social, political and economic equality of the sexes)."

flashed across the screen.

Feminists in America rejoiced, because as an article in Time magazine wrote, "Beyonce's brand of empowerment isn't perfect, but her VMA performace on Sunday accomplished what activists could not: She took feminism to the masses."

Beyonce did bring feminism to the masses, but in reality, I'm really really really confused by her performance. I like the words that flashed across the screen, but like Mollie Hemmingway who wrote THIS POST for The Federalist, and THIS ARTICLE from the UK Independent, the rest of the performance left me wondering how it contributed to feminism. Her music was filled with lyrics about sex and b**ches and getting drunk and more sex; her dance moves included spreading her legs, grinding her booty (and she has a really awesome booty if I may say- is this objectifying her? If yes, then wasn't that the point of her costume and performance for us to admire her body?), and dancing alongside a team of scantily-clad backup dancers.

And while Beyonce was participating in this hyper-sexualized performance, her young daughter was sitting in the audience, watching her mom's not-child-appropriate performance.

Is this feminism?

Feminists want to stop the objectification of people. But how do you do that when Beyonce, a supposed feminist role model, talks about feminism but encourages the opposite of it with her performance? I'm sorry, but standing in silhouette against the huge flashed word "feminist" does not a feminist make. I get the message that we need to teach our daughters/ girls that they can be sexual beings like the men. I get that loud and clear. However, I don't picture this as the way I want to teach my daughters/ nieces/ girls as the appropriate way to express their sexuality.

I'm not so much as angry at Beyonce as more disappointed. I remember my friend introducing me to another song of Beyonce's, "If I Were a Boy," a song (along with the music video) that critiqued the double standards society has for men and women. I LOVE THAT SONG. In fact, here is the video:

 I went, "You go Beyonce!" Then the whole Drunk-in-Love/ Anna-Mae reference scandal happened, but I was willing to give her and Jay-Z the benefit of the doubt. After all, this was also around the time that she had come into her "feminist-consciousness."

Then the VMA awards happened. It's really disappointing.

Let's stop going to the extremes, where we either under-sexualize women (e.g. "Women don't have sex drives"- FALSE!) or we hyper/over-sexualize them to the point where everyone feels that it's alright to be this coarse/ crude. Just because  our society today takes swearing, and sowing sexual wild oats as marks of male masculinity and virility doesn't mean that we as women need to do these things as well just to prove that we are equal. No one should be hyper-sexualized, male or female, but taught to respect themselves and their bodies. This is what feminists should be fighting for.

Althea Gibson

My Google webpage doodle today was a cartoon of a black woman playing tennis, in honor of Althea Gibson.

Who is Althea Gibson? I am ashamed to say I've never heard of her, and wish I had known about her earlier.

According to an article on ESPN.com and her Wikipedia entry, Gibson was the first black player to cross the racial line in international tennis. She became the first African-American to win the singles Grand Slam title (from the French Open) in 1956. Did I mention she also partnered with Angela Buxton to win the doubles title of the same French Open too?

Then in 1957, she became the first black person to win the Wimbledon and the U.S. Nationals Tennis players, two of the most prestigious world titles in tennis! Then, she repeated her victories at the same two tournaments in 1958 as well! As a result, she was voted by the Associate Press as its "Female Athlete of the Year" in 1957 and '58, and became the top seeded player in the world for those.

But her accomplishments doesn't stop there. Not only did she break racial barriers in the sports arena, she was also the first African-American woman to grace the covers of Sports Illustrated and Time magazine.

WHAM! You go girl!

Sadly, racial barriers continued to be erected against her and other players of color. It would be another 15 years before another woman of color won the Wimbledon and French Open titles again (Evonne Goolagon, an Australian Aboriginal). Gibson also revealed that though she was ranked the top tennis player, there was (at that time) little money to be made from playing professional tennis. Hence, she retired from the tennis circuit after her victories, and went on to try her hand in various other ventures.

Gibson didn't let racial and gender barriers stand in her way in pursuit of her dreams- truly a woman to be highlighted for her accomplishments. Thank you Google making us more aware of this inspiring woman.

Beneath the Surface

For those of you who keep up with my other blog, you would have read that I was in the Philippines a few weeks ago. While there, we were sitting in a taxi on the way to the Philippines Manila LDS temple when we saw a group of girls clinging to a jeepney and traveling on a busy road. Totally legal!

It was quite a sight, and I hurriedly took a picture. In my mind, I thought the jeepney was just too crowded, and so they simply "hopped on" to the jeepney via this ingenious method. 

Until the taxi driver informed us that these girls were probably part of a larger criminal syndicate to exploit young children from poorer rural villages elsewhere in the Philippines. Syndicate members would go to these villages and "buy" these children, both boys and girls. Many of their parents think that they are giving their children a better life by agreeing to do so. These children would then be transported to larger cities, such as Manila, where they will be exploited as "cheap laborers" for the syndicates. 

The taxi driver then casually mentioned that when the girls were older, they would be sold into prostitution. 

It broke my heart. 

As we passed by the jeepney, one of them saw that I was taking their picture. Using one hand to cling to the jeepney and keep her balance, she used her other hand to make a "peace" sign as she smiled and posed for my camera. I have a picture that captures her innocence, but I can't bear to put it up. 

It just blows my mind that everything looked so casual and carefree, but underneath lies a story of exploitation and corruption. It is such a complex situation that goes back all the way to the rural villages and criminal syndicates, and the reality is that there is nothing I can do about it, except raise awareness about this situation. I really wish I could do something.

Fatherhood and Crying Babies

In the same spirit that Dove, the giant beauty products brand, is promoting natural beauty, Thailand's second largest mobile phone provider, DTAC, is also encouraging people to "disconnect" from technology and spend more quality time with those around them. Ironic but hey, it's a win-win for everyone, so kudos to them.

DTAC just released their latest ad a few days ago, titled "The Power of Love," and I absolutely love it! Aside from the cute (albeit crying) baby and it's powerful message about technology, there is a subtle gender message about fatherhood that I think is appropriate and should be promoted.

Enjoy!

P.S. Check out their other ad, "Disconnect to Connect", which can be found HERE.

Women and Priesthood Power

I'm trying to move on from the OW issue, but it seems that God has one more lesson for me, and I feel that I need to share it to (once again) clear up any misconceptions about my Church.

I was asked to substitute as a Sunday School teacher for the next few weeks, and was preparing my lesson about 1 Samuel 14-20. The lesson is really about the friendships between King Saul, David and Jonathan. Yet, somehow I ended up reading the speech given by Dallin H. Oaks in last April's General Conference, titled "The Keys and Authority of the Priesthood" (LINK HERE). Dallin H. Oaks is considered one of the twelve apostles in our times. When I first heard it, I thought, "Okay, nothing new..." However, when I read it again yesterday, I was astonished that I completely missed these passages:

"We are not accustomed to speaking of women having the authority of the priesthood in their Church callings, but what other authority can it be? When a woman- young or old- is set apart to preach the gospel as a full-time missionary, she is given priesthood authority to perform a priesthood function. The same is true when a woman is set apart to function as an officer or teacher in a Church organization under the direction of one who holds the keys of the priesthood...

Whoever exercises priesthood authority should forget about their rights and concentrate on their responsibilities. That is a principle needed in society at large... Latter-day Saints surely recognize that qualifying for exaltation is not a matter of asserting rights but a matter of fulfilling responsibilities.

...

The Lord has directed that only men will be ordained to offices in the priesthood. But as various Church leaders have emphasized, men are not "the priesthood."... The greatest power God has given to His sons cannot be exercised without the companionship of one of His daughters, because only to His daughters has God given the power "to be a creator of bodies... so that God's design and the Great Plan might meet fruition."

Perhaps this is what is tripping people up- it's true that only men are ordained to the offices in the priesthood, meaning that they are ordained to be deacons, priests, bishops, seventy, apostles and prophets, etc., at least in modern days. This is the way the Church functions, and quite frankly, when Jesus Christ was on the earth, this was the way He organized His church too.

But priesthood office does NOT equal priesthood authority/ power. Rather, Elder Oaks teaches that women can also exercise priesthood authority when directed by male leaders to do so via Church callings or as a sister missionary. Male church leaders have priesthood keys to direct the work, but priesthood power and authority can be disseminated to both men and women according to their responsibilities.

*WHOAH*

How many of us heard this? Can he get more explicit than this?

This reminded me another talk given by another apostle, M. Russell Ballard, at the 2013 BYU Education Week, called "Let Us Think Straight." (Elder Oaks quoted part of his speech in his talk too- clearly it's a hallmark speech.)

When men and women go to the temple, they are both endowed with the same power, which by definition is priesthood power. While the authority of the priesthood is directed through priesthood keys, and priesthood keys are held only by worthy men, access to the power and the blessings of the priesthood is available to all of God’s children.
...
Those who have entered the waters of baptism and subsequently received their endowment in the house of the Lord are eligible for rich and wonderful blessings. The endowment is literally a gift of power. All who enter the house of the Lord officiate in the ordinances of the priesthood. This applies to men and women alike.
...
Our Father in Heaven is generous with His power. All men and all women have access to this power for help in our own lives. All who have made sacred covenants with the Lord and who honor those covenants are eligible to receive personal revelation, to be blessed by the ministering of angels, to commune with God, to receive the fulness of the gospel, and, ultimately, to become heirs alongside Jesus Christ of all our Father has.

Once again, here is another apostle stating clearly the relationship between women and the priesthood:
- Women hold priesthood power
- Women are entitled to the same blessings of the priesthood as the men
- However, this also means that women have to bear the same responsibilities as the men in ministering and serving others- sorry, it's not a free gift.

So let's be clear what exactly do we mean when we talk about "ordaining women" to the priesthood.

• If we are talking about ordaining women to priesthood power/ authority, then we do not need this because women already have and exercise it. 
• If we are talking about ordaining women to hold priesthood keys, that's another issue. Both Elder Oaks and Elder Ballard have stated that priesthood keys (and offices) are only to be held by worthy men, which means someone can say, "This still leaves ultimate direction and decision-making in the hands of the men! Preposterous!" 

It's true, but may I quote Elder Ballard again in this same speech when he said, "Brothers and sisters, this matter, like many others, comes down to our faith. Do we believe that this is the Lord’s Church? Do we believe that He has organized it according to His purposes and wisdom? Do we believe that His wisdom far exceeds ours? Do we believe that He has organized His Church in a manner that would be the greatest possible blessing to all of His children, both His sons and His daughters?"

If we say we believe that this is the Lord's Church, led by His living prophets and apostles, then we need to trust that the way the Church is currently set up is appointed, or at the very least, approved, by God. It doesn't seem fair, but we have to trust that only God knows the reasons why He designed the Church hierarchy to be as such.

Let's take that and move on. There are far more important things to focus on then who has ultimate directing keys, because really, at the end of the day, the gospel isn't about fighting over priesthood keys/ authority/ power. The gospel is about the atonement of Jesus Christ, and what we do with our lives to follow Christ and serve others. It is only then that the priesthood can take effect and truly make a difference. 

OW again...

I know, I know. I said that I won't talk about OW except in my last post, and yet, here I am talking about it again. Sorry. It's just that I think it's important that I clear up any misconceptions people have about my church. In one of my very first posts, I wrote that my religion empowered me as a woman. I hope this post partly helps explain why I feel this way, especially with regards to what happened to Kate Kelly.

Yesterday the top Church leaders released a statement clarifying the issue about Kate Kelly's excommunication (the full statement can be found HERE on the official website of the Church)- although they didn't directly refer to it. Subtle... Anyway, I've excerpted the parts that clarifies why people might face disciplinary action within the Church:

We understand that from time to time Church members will have questions about Church doctrine, history or practice. Members are always free to ask such questions and earnestly seek greater understanding. We feel special concern, however, for members who distance themselves from Church doctrine or practice and, by advocacy, encourage others to follow them.

Simply asking questions has never constituted apostasy. Apostasy is repeatedly acting in clear, open, and deliberate public opposition to the Church or its faithful leaders, or persisting, after receiving counsel, in teaching false doctrine. 

Short, simple and BAM!

To me, it's comforting to know that asking questions does not constitute apostasy. I'm sure most everyone has had doubts about the Church one time or another on their spiritual journey, or will be tempted to leave the Church. At least it's true from my personal experience and observations... It thus reassures me that the Church isn't saying that we can't or shouldn't ask questions/ voice doubts.

The test, then, isn't the "questioning" part. Rather, it's our reaction when we receive an answer.

And this is where it can trip people because sometimes, the answer is, "I don't know, and I might have to wait till the next life before I get an answer." I'm not even kidding- because that's what happened to me, and it's hard to hear that.

I think it all goes back to what I wrote in one of my earliest posts. As a feminists, I recognize that the way my Church is organized, and the way authority is disseminated, is patriarchal in nature. However, I am reconciled to this fact, and I sustain (support, listen and obey) these men as my leaders in all things pertaining to religion, morality and gender roles. Therefore, even though I have questions, I still choose to sustain my leaders and comply with their instructions.

And you know what? Strangely enough, even though I might not get the answer I want, I feel at peace, almost as if God is telling me, "Look, you don't need to know this right now. Focus on (xxx) and (yyy) now- these are more important and necessary to your salvation. Answers will come later. Just trust my timing."

Perhaps this is what faith is really all about.

Putting OW into perspective

I feel like I need to write a brief post regarding the recent controversy regarding Kate Kelly's excommunication from the LDS Church. Kelly is the founder of the Ordain Women (OW) organization that has been agitating for female ordination to the priesthood in the Church. It's a thorny issue that has plagued my Facebook wall, and I'm exhausted from seeing posts from friends either defending or criticizing her excommunication. Anyone can google the issue and find blogs/ articles arguing for both sides, so I'm not going to do it here.

As a historian, however, I want to highlight that we have an incomplete excommunication story. We only have Kelly's side of the story, while very little has been issued from her ex-bishop or the disciplinary council explaining their decision (in accordance with church policy... I think).*  As long as we don't have both sides of the story, I think we should refrain from passing judgement (e.g. "Her ex-bishop was right/ wrong!"/ "She was right/ wrong"). We'll probably never know whether the disciplinary council was justified in their actions till the next life. For now, all we can and should do is extend love and hope for reconciliation for both sides.

This issue has caused the headquarters in Salt Lake City to remain in a bind- how should the top leadership respond to what is really a local level concern? Headquarters thus issued two statements that would benefit from more circulation. The first is a 5-page letter from Michael Otterson, managing director of Public Affairs for the Church, who sent it to various blogs for publication . It's a quick read, respectful in tone, and provides much needed insight into how church affairs with regards to women's issues are conducted. The letter published on the Millennial Star blog can be found HERE, while a Deseret News article about the letter is found HERE. The second is another succinct statement issued by another spokeswoman for the Church, Jessica Moody, which is linked HERE.

Now we come to the main purpose of my post. I just came back from a short trip to the Philippines, and attended church there. I did not have access to email or social media while in the Philippines, and returned to an onslaught of postings about Kelly's excommunication. What really struck me was how members in Singapore and the Philippines were NOT talking about this issue, at least in public.** I've engaged in one private conversation about this topic since coming home, but other than that, no one seemed passionate or even interested in talking about this, even when we had our Relief Society lesson about the Oath and Covenant of the Priesthood last week. And my sense in talking to my friends about Ordain Women was that they were quite adamantly against the organization.

The contrast could not have been greater.

And it really put the issue into proper perspective for me. I'm not saying that the OW controversy does not have value or that we can't learn from it. Nor am I saying that all non-North American women are against OW- I'm sure there are a few who have heard about it and might even admit to supporting it. What I'm saying is let's remember that this is a very Western, even North American, issue that has ignited a firestorm there, but hardly sparked the same flames in other parts of the world. By putting the issue into proper perspective, it raises question to the claims of "global sisterhood." Of course I want to see the Relief Society succeed in uniting women all around the world in a common cause for Christ, but being against/ for OW is not going to be it.

There are a lot more other causes/ issues that can do that. Perhaps let's move on and talk about those instead.

*The closest thing to an explanation from Kelly's local church leaders can be found at THIS blog piece- kudos to the writer for pointing out that the basis of Kelly's excommunication was not because she questioned, but because she wilfully defied the counsel of church leaders.
**When I was in the Philippines, the meeting was half-Tagalog, half-English, so they could have talked about it without me knowing, but I highly doubt so.

World's Toughest "Career"

I'm sure many of you have seen this video, "World's Toughest Job":

Which is SO TRUE!

Then, while I was watching THIS VIDEO put out by my church by for Mother's Day under #itwasmom somehow this line struck me as very odd:

"The sticky, sleepless, soul-stretching career (of being a mom)..."

And I thought to myself, "Since when is motherhood a 'career'?"

Now, don't get me wrong. I know that motherhood is a very tough job that is sticky, sleepless and soul-stretching. I'm so grateful for the sacrifices of my own mom.

But the word "career" implies two things:
First, that motherhood can and should be measured in economic terms.
Second, that motherhood is a choice, and that there is an alternative to it. Which makes a lot of sense given that women in developed countries can choose not to have children.

However, this is also where I become dismayed and uncomfortable. Blame it on my LDS upbringing where I learned very conservative concepts about the family, but I strongly believe that motherhood is not simply about justifying it as a worthwhile career choice for women to consider doing. It's not wrong to describe motherhood as a "career" but it's... not quite an appropriate word either. Calling it a "job" or a "career" denigrates its divine purpose, or at least, relegates it to be something less than it was meant to be. Motherhood can be considered a career, but it's also SO MUCH MORE than that.

Unlike an employee, a mother is an essential individual that makes up one of the most fundamental units of society, the family.
Unlike an employee, a mother is indispensable and irreplaceable.
More importantly, unlike an employee, motherhood is a divine calling given to women to help bring about God's eternal plan. There is a sacred purpose to mother- and fatherhood.

Sadly, because society measures a person's worth based purely in economic terms (e.g. "Bill Gates is worth X billions of dollars..."), the worth of a woman is also measured based on these same standards. Hence, "motherhood" needs to be justified as a legitimate "career," and reasons given as to why women should choose to take on this "are-you-out-of-your-mind" job. Or we need to say, "Children are an expensive investment, but the pay-off makes up for it." (How did we get to the point where children are considered "investments?") There is also a gendered double standard of viewing motherhood as a career, but we don't do the same for fatherhood (I could go on, but not here). 

I know most people (and the Church too) recognize that motherhood is more than just a "career," but it's a sad world we live in where something as fundamental and essential as "motherhood" needs to be couched in cold hard economic terms in order for people to consider it worthwhile. Our world really is driven by money isn't it?  

Perhaps this is also why many full-time homemakers (male and female) struggle with self-esteem issues or feel that their lifestyle choice isn't making a difference. It takes a lot of courage to defy the expectations of society, and cling to the fact that you ARE making an indispensable and irreplaceable contribution to society, even if your economic net worth is relatively minuscule. It's even harder for those who come from lower to middle-class families. Unfortunately, we don't live in a society that measures the emotional, mental and social support freely provided by parents, and so these full-time homemakers don't get recognized enough for all they do. 

So even though this is coming after Mother's Day, I want to thank all mothers (full-time homemakers and working moms) who see motherhood as more than just a "career," and who recognize that their worth can't be measured in dollars and cents. Your "job"/ "career" as a mother doesn't even begin to scratch the surface of how vital a role you play in the makeup and building up of society. 

I want to especially recognize my mom for her courage in defying societal expectations to be a full-time homemaker. I will never forget that feeling of security of knowing that when I came home from school everyday, she would be there to greet me. To me, that feeling of security is worth more than all the riches of the world. 

Female Education- It's About Humanity and Basic Human Rights

I am absolutely horrified by the kidnapping of more than 200 Nigerian girls seized from a school last month by the Boko Haram (translated as "Western education is sinful"). You can read the update from the New York Times HERE, which reported that at least 8 more girls have been seized. The goal is to 1) terrorize parents to stop sending their girls to school, and 2) exploit and sell the kidnapped girls.

It makes my blood boil thinking about these atrocities committed in the name of religion. Such abuses (both in terms of the kidnappings, and using religion to justify them) make me absolutely livid.



THIS ARTICLE on the Foreign Policy website is a concise and insightful article about the situation. As the article points out, we are unfortunately still stuck in the "women and children are spoils of war" mentality. Have we not gone past that? Apparently not.
Now, I don't think this is the sole reason why the media has only recently focused more attention on this story, but I do believe it is one reason why it hadn't receive sufficient coverage earlier.
Or sadly, we are a society that has become so numbed by news on war, and more enticed by trivial (and frankly, not as depressing) video clips/ twitters/ social media, that such news doesn't shock us anymore.

What saddens me, however, is that the roots of this "war of terror" on "the West" is so baseless in the very first place. I understand that not everything from the "West" is beneficial. I grew up in Singapore, a fairly Westernized nation compared to many other Asian countries, and have lived in the United States for almost seven years, and still there are certain Western "liberal" concepts and values that I am uncomfortable with. However, my Western education has also been a tremendous source of ideas and information that has broadened my worldview, and challenged me think beyond my mental boundaries. At the very least, it's made me more understanding of people who come from a different set of values and culture.
To say that "Western education is sinful" is to be too extreme and intransigent. And to blame the West for more progressive ideas about educating females? That's a fallacy right there. It's not about "clash of civilizations/ cultures/ religion" when you provide formal education for girls. It's about humanity and basic human rights.

Even if you disagree with such notions about female education, inflicting violence is hardly a viable solution. I can't even imagine the terror felt by the kidnapped girls and their families, and I feel their heartbreak as their chances of rescue grow dimmer everyday.



Praying for the safe return of these girls to their families.

Turning Point

January 2011

The Woodrow Wilson International Center for Scholars

National Geographic photographer Lynsey Addario

presented

Women in Afghanistan

This woman was 12 when she married, and husband beat her so badly, she ran away, only to be caught by her husband who cut off her nose, ears and hair. Thankfully, she was able to later seek help at a women's shelter, and came to the United States for reconstructive surgery.

A 22 year old prison inmate. Her crime? Asking for a divorce from her husband who was 70 years old and paralyzed.

A hospital in Faizabad, a provincial capital. Afghan doctors, nurses and midwives, trained in Russia and Kabul, work to deliver twins even in sub-par hospital conditions.

After years of abuse, Afghan women are beginning to fight back and reclaim their humanity. 

Sadly, women (and men and children) in other countries, like Darfur, are still ravaged by war.

Burning of villages. Severe malnutrition. 

I sat there, stunned and speechless, as I felt my heart break into pieces. 

Why was this even happening? How can people be so cruel? How did we descend to this point? 

This was my turning point, my awakening.

Why am I a feminist? Because of these images. 

Faith and Feminism

I'm a Mormon.

There, upfront and honest about it.

Mormon and feminist? Yup! And darn proud of it. Because my feminism stems from my membership of THE CHURCH OF JESUS CHRIST OF LATTER-DAY SAINTS (heretofore referred to as "the Church'"). They go hand-in-hand. Time and time again, Church leaders have taught women of the church that-
1) they are precious daughters of a loving Heavenly Father who wants the best for them, just as He does for His sons;
2) women should gain the best education possible;
3) they are equal partners with the men in a marriage, meaning that it requires complete mental, emotional and physical fidelity from both spouses and sharing of child-rearing responsibilities;
4) every ordinance/ ritual necessary for salvation is equally available to them as they are to men;
5) women have a divine purpose on earth and responsibility to nurture those around them;
6) they will make mistakes, but that's why the atonement and grace of Jesus Christ is vital for salvation;
7) once again, God loves His daughters.

The Church also teaches members that Mother Eve, the first female creation of God on this earth, did not bring about the curse of mortality due to her partaking of the Forbidden Fruit. Rather, Eve took a courageous step in leaving the Garden of Eden, which paved the way for Mankind to be born, gain a mortal body and experience mortal life, i.e. if Adam and Eve continued to live in the Garden of Eden, we wouldn't be here on this earth.

Examining the above list, I dare say that Church theology and teachings are rather *gasp* feminist. Yes it is. Which is precisely why I'm a Mormon and feminists.

Now, the Church is a patriarchal church. It's theology is not, but the church structure and leadership hierarchy is patriarchal in nature. Let's just admit that. It's something feminists who are members of the Church have to grapple with- are they content to accept it and move on from there? Or are they going to agitate for change?

More liberal feminists will vote for the latter. Me, I'm okay with it, more a "neutral." There are many reasons why, but I'm not going into them for this post. All I'm going to say for now is that I have found value and benefits from voluntarily "submitting" to the patriarchal structure of the church. A paradox but it's my reality.

Which is why I do not follow the Feminist Mormon Housewives or the Young Mormon Feminists blogs, and I do not support the Ordain Woman Movement. Let's get that out of the way as well. I have a friend (an active member) who has contributed a few posts to the Young Mormon Feminists blog, and I have enjoyed reading some of her postings. But there are also other postings on that blog that I disagree and feel uncomfortable with.

Therefore, here are some things to note about my blog:

a) This is not a feminist blog that will advocate for change to the patriarchal structure of the Church.

b) This blog might comment on the cultural aspects of being a Mormon that consciously/ unconsciously promotes gender inequality, depending on my mood and how passionate I feel about the issue. E.g. I would have posted something about lowering the age at which sister missionaries can serve from 21 to 19 = eradicating the cultural stigma that sisters serve missions because they can't get married => a positive change. However, this change took place before this blog was created, but you get my meaning. 

c) This blog is focused mainly on non-Mormon issues pertaining to womanhood, sisterhood and feminism. That's right, non-Mormon issues. Feminism is so much more than just talking about gender inequality within the Church, although there is a place and time for that. I'm more interested in talking about gender inequality outside of it. You may not agree with the direction my blog is going in, but this is me and this is who I am.  

I am a Mormon and a feminist. 

Let the postings begin!

Beginnings

Feminism: A dirty word linked to radical women who burn bras and hate men.

WRONG.

- Do you believe that women should have equal access to educational opportunities as the men?
- Do you believe that women should have the right to vote?
- Do you believe that women should receive equal pay for an equal amount of work performed as the men?
- Do you believe that men and women should be treated with respect and dignity?
- Do you believe that women's voices need to be heard with regards to political, economic and social issues, alongside the men's?
- Do you believe that men and women should NEVER be raped? That under no circumstances is rape ever permissible?

If you answered "yes" to all the above (that's right, ALL of them. If you said "no" to even one, I don't think we can be friends), guess what?

You
are
a 
FEMINIST!!! 

Notice how the Oxford English Dictionary (2014) defines feminism: the advocacy of equality of the sexes and the establishment of the political, social, and economic rights of the female sex; the movement associated with this. 

"Really?! That's not true. I believe in all those but I don't agree with much of what feminists write on Facebook/ twitter/ other forms of social media," you say.

Such a misunderstanding on feminism stems from how people perceive feminism and feminists. I wrote a post on my other blog back in December 2012, explaining that people usually think of feminists as this:

The truth is, feminists are really like this:

There is a spectrum of feminism that ranges from conservative to liberal. Feminists will disagree with each other over the definitions of "equality," the methods of obtaining equality, and the limits of equality.

Thus, liberal feminists will push more boundaries than conservative or moderate feminists are comfortable doing. They tend to be more vocal and will agitate for greater change. Liberal feminism also dominated the Second Wave Feminist Movement of the 1970s in the United States, and continues to do so in contemporary times. This is why most popular articles and talks by American feminists today fall on the more liberal side of the spectrum, and is part of the reason why people simply lump all feminists together. At the end of the day, whatever side of the feminist spectrum you are on, feminists are all trying in their own way and through own method to do one thing: improve the status of women.

There are many women and men who are feminists, but who simply don't agree with or only agree with parts of the dominate discourse of liberal feminists. I'm one of them. I'm a more moderate-conservative feminist.

Which is why I decided to start this blog. I got tired of reading feminists articles that spoke to me 80%, but left me feeling uncomfortable with the remaining 20%. I got tired of hearing current feminist discourse that claimed to speak on behalf of all feminists, but really ignored the voices of conservative feminists.

On the other hand, I also got tired of defending feminism to my family and friends who think I'm some sort of radical hippie that is going to start revolting against authority. I got tired of receiving dirty looks and hurtful remarks for proudly proclaiming that I'm a feminist. And I got tired of hearing my more conservative friends deride feminism as an evil that needs to be eradicated.

In short, I got tired and fed up, and need an outlet where I can simply refer everyone to what I mean by feminism.

So this is what my blog is about. It's about MY OWN UNIQUE TYPE OF FEMINISM. It's mine. No one else. I don't speak for anyone else or even for any side of the feminists spectrum. This is
My Kind of Feminism.

So settle down and please check back regularly. I will be writing posts and sharing articles/ videos that I love as often as possible. You may not agree with all I say, but I do hope that overall, you will enjoy reading this blog.