#MeToo Campaign: Why We Speak Out

I served a mission for my church in Taipei, Taiwan, from 2007 to 2009. In the last few months of my mission, I was sent to Taoyuan, a city in the northwestern part of the island. My companion and I were cycling home one night when I stopped at a red light. As was my habit, I turned to the person next to me and began talking to him about my faith. It was a man on a bicycle who had cycled in front of me, but I had caught up to him at the red light. We spoke briefly and I gave him a pamphlet before the light turned green, and we parted.

After cycling a minute or so, I turned to see if my companion was behind me, and noticed the same man following us. Call it the prompting of the Spirit or personal intuition, but something felt "off." I pulled to the side to see what he would do. Sure enough, he stopped a few meters behind my companion and I, and pretended not to see us. Not knowing what to do, we continued cycling, hoping that we were mistaken. We had not cycled far when I turned around, and discovered that he was on our tail again. I pulled over again, and he did the same thing.

This picture was taken a few months after the incident,
at the parking lot of my apartment complex in Taoyuan.
The brightness of the picture is due to the flash of the camera,

I was fearful at this point. Our apartment complex was in a deserted area, with almost no lighting at the parking lot where we parked our bikes (see picture on right). We were two young and unarmed females, and were already tired from a long day of work. If the man had pulled a weapon on us, I think even having a companion would not have helped. But even if nothing happened, the anxiety from being stalked was genuine and gripping.

Not knowing what to do, I pulled over, and my companion and I decided to call my District Leader (the missionary Elder in charge of us). While on the phone, I noticed that the man finally cycled past us, as if he knew that we were calling for backup. I told my District Leader about what happened, and that the man had cycled away. He told us to call him again if we saw the man.

We began the journey home again. My eyes kept darting around, looking for the man. We never saw him again, but the damage was done. I could not shake off that feeling of fear, especially when we turned into the deserted street where our apartment building was. We quickly locked the door, and that's when I finally sighed in relief. My District Leader also called us soon after to make sure that we had arrived home safely, and I was happy to report that we were okay.

As I reflect back on this incident, I can't help but make the following observations:
- Having a mission companion was a blessing, even if I struggled with the rule to be stay with her (and all my other companions) 24/7.
- I'm grateful that my companion and District Leader believed me. They didn't question my judgment, but instead asked how they could help.
- I was dressed as a missionary, which at that point of time, meant that I had to wear blouses with sleeves, and skirts that came to mid-calf. I assure you that when I talked to the man, we only spoke of religion. No flirting, no touching, no revealing or sexy clothing, nada. And yet, he still stalked my companion and I. It is true that sexual assailants can hurt anyone, regardless of their clothing or behavior.

My mission district when the incident occurred. Standing in the
 front row is my district leader, Elder Liu, me, and my companion, Sister Shi. 

In the past few days, many women have shared their stories/ experiences of being sexual harassed and assaulted as part of the #MeToo campaign. [For more information on the #MeToo campaign, see this link: http://bit.ly/2gw2hWf. Surprise surprise, it was started way back in 2007, before social media was a "thing."]

To be honest, when the campaign exploded on social media, I was wary of it, not because I didn't think it was important to raise awareness that it is a prevalent societal problem, but because it is hard to differentiate when people are just throwing around this hashtag to be part of the "in" crowd. After reading people's thoughts, stories, feedback, and push back over the past few days, I think such posts are beneficial if we understand that:

1) The #metoo campaign as is currently going around on social media (who knows how it will evolve?) is about raising awareness and solidarity, and letting others, especially women, know that they are not alone in experiencing sexual harassment and assault.

2) It is NOT going to solve the problem or change societal behavior, but speaking out and raising awareness is always the first step. Changing behavior...now that is another issue for another post.

3) It is helpful if we share our stories/ experiences of being sexually attacked, on condition that we feel emotionally and mentally comfortable with that. If you are still struggling from a sexual attack, you have zero obligation to share your experience. Don't feel as if you have to or must do so.

But sharing can be helpful because it raises awareness for everyone to know what constitutes sexual harassment and assault. There are people who do not think that so-called "innocent" gestures are considered harassment/ assault, such as cat-calling someone. But the more we let others know that these actions are a form of harassment/ assault, the more everyone in our social media circles are better informed, and thus held culpable for their actions.

Furthermore, reading these stories can help others recognize when they have been harassed/ assaulted, but didn't realize, recognize, or remember it. When the #MeToo campaign took off a few days ago, I tried to think of an instance when I was sexually harassed, but came up blank. Perhaps my mind had wiped away that traumatizing experience from my memory? Then last night, when I read one of my friend's post on Facebook about her sexual assault experience, it jolted back my memory of what happened on my mission. Her experience wasn't even similar to mine, and yet, it helped me remember.

4) How people react to such stories is PIVOTAL, especially the men. I've read countless posts from female friends who shared how they were sexually attacked by a man, and how grateful they were to their male friends who believed their story and confronted their attacker. Of course women can confront their assailants by themselves, but it provides much comfort and strength when men (and other women) come forward and say, "I believe you, and I want to help."

5) Victim blaming is wrong. Period. As seen from my own experience, you can be wearing the most modest and gaudy clothing (I shudder when I see pictures of my mission clothes), and there will still be men who will sexually harass/ assault women. I get the argument about modest clothing, and I agree that modest clothing contributes to an environment that promotes modesty and decency in thought and behavior. However, even if a woman walks down a street naked, no person has the right to attack her or say, "She deserved it." Also, there are victims of rape who freeze up, or give up the struggle and submit to the assault. This does not then make it their fault. Blaming a rape victim for submitting to their rape is akin to saying a human deserved to die when he/she froze during a tiger/ lion/ [insert predatory animal] attack. Rape victims just want to survive, and freezing up or submitting is sometimes the only way they can.

6) Moving forward, we need to do more than just let this be another social media campaign which patters away. I can already see people moving on to the next hot topic, and that's fine, but hopefully we have learned something, and will do something in the future if we see a person harassed/ assaulted in the future.

Wonder Woman Movie Review

As a feminist, I felt like it was almost an obligation to support the new Wonder Woman movie. 

And I'm glad I did. It was great! Do I think it deserves its current 92% "fresh" rating on Rotten Tomatoes? Probably not, but for a comic superhero, summer popcorn movie, it's heads above many others. No wonder people are raving about it. It has a solid plot, good humor, and I liked the character development for Wonder Woman. Gal Gadot fit the role VERY well, and she is one beautiful woman. I couldn't stop staring at her! I know she is already a natural beauty, but kudos to her makeup artist for elevating her looks to goddess (ha ha...pun intended) level. And Wonder Woman's theme song is fabulous! If you have not heard it, Google it please. Soooooo good. 

And I loved how Wonder Woman fought alongside Chris Pine's character to defeat the villain(s). As a feminist film, I thought it projected a positive message about womanhood and strength. 

Having said that, I recognize that the movie preached a type of feminism in which positive womanhood is to be found outside of the home, and alongside men "in the trenches" (literally and figuratively). A very typical "Western liberal" feminist slant to the movie, but you know what? Considering that this is the first standalone female superhero comic movie, I'm not going to gripe about this. And also because I agree that positive womanhood can be found outside of the home, as well as in the home. If I have daughters, I'm going to teach them that there are different forms and types of female empowerment, and this film showed one of them.

What I was not okay with the movie was:

- The inappropriate shot which showed a naked Chris Pine covering his penis with his hand. TOTALLY UNNECESSARY and WHY?! I was disappointed that the director made the choice to keep this shot in. You have been warned. 

- The unnecessary dirty jokes. I'm not referring to the part (SPOILER) where Wonder Woman saw Chris Pine in all his birthday suit, and asked, "Are you average for a man?" as she looked at his man parts in puzzlement. This part was fine because it was a form of "innocent humor"-- it's her first time seeing a man in her life after all! So this joke, I could accept. But there were other dirty jokes that made me go, this is NOT okay for little children. 

- The CGI during the fight scenes. Eww. 

- The last fight scene was a paradoxically messy epic battle. 

- Some minor details that didn't make sense. 

Would I recommend it? Yes. You don't have to rush to watch it, and you can wait till it hits the dollar theater, but it is definitely worth watching at least once. No young children though. Only appropriate for audiences who know what the birds and bees are. 

Have you guys seen the movie? Let me know your thoughts if you did!

Safeguarding Marriage is now Misogyny?!

The Washington Post recently revealed that U.S. vice-president Mike Pence requires that any aide who works late with him has to be male, never dines alone with a woman other than his wife, and does not attend events where alcohol is served unless his wife is also present. Such measures safeguard himself against accusations of impropriety and, in his words, "[builds] a zone around your marriage."

But liberals are up in arms about his safeguards, calling him misogynistic, sexist, and unable to see women as anything other than sexual temptresses (otherwise why the fear of dining alone with another woman?).

This was a personal issue for me because here's the thing: my dad taught me the same thing, and practices it as well, and so reading the accusations hurled on Pence was, to me, the same as attacking my dad. And I can assure you that my dad is anything but misogynistic/ sexist/ only able to see women as sexual beings. It was such an unfair accusation that I had to write about this.

So let's clear some things up:
1) In setting such boundaries, men show respect for their wives and marriages by ensuring that they avoid AS MANY opportunities for temptation as possible. We should applaud efforts of men who are trying to avoid temptation, not pull them down. Marriage is hard enough, and safeguards are there to ensure marriages survive. Will going to one dinner alone with someone of the opposite sex lead to adultery? Not always, but I bet there have been instances when it has. I mean, how do any relationships (including between two single people) start? Usually over a cup of coffee/ meal.

2) These men show respect for their wives and marriages by avoiding the appearance of all impropriety, thus giving their spouses a greater sense of security, and opponents less opportunities to accuse them of inappropriate behavior. The (sad) reality is that we live in a VERY judgmental society, quick to post about anything and everything without the full picture, and it's not hard to imagine making snap judgments about married men dining alone with another woman. Yes, we should not judge, but until we live in a perfect world, that's just not going to happen, and so we do the best that we can, and try to avoid the appearance of all "evil."

3) Also, isn't it refreshing to witness a strong, high-level political marriage that has clearly-delineated boundaries? So unlike Trump's sham marriage.

4) They aren't oppose to working with women, giving women education/ healthcare/ etc. or dining with women...as long as there is one other person (male or female) there. So stop accusing them of misogyny. If you want to accuse Pence of misogyny, find something else, like his opposition to funding of Planned Parenthood or something, but don't go after him over this issue.

5) Pence (or my dad...or other such men) are not imposing his safeguards on the rest of the nation. This is what I don't get about the uproar against him. These safeguards are personal choices that he and his wife decided on, and we should respect that. If other people have looser marriage boundaries, who's stopping them? They are free to dine with people of the opposite sex alone. It's not like Pence's safeguards are affecting other people's marriages, or the way he works with women.

6) It's another (sad) reality that we live in a world that is highly sexualized. Porn is rampant and readily available, our entertainment and advertisements are explicitly sexual, and virtue is cheapened and devalued. Sexual temptation is everywhere. It's just a fact, and there are people who choose to deal with it in more conservative ways. I as a single Mormon woman find it hard enough to live a high moral code, and I can't imagine how much harder it is for men trying to do the same thing.

7) Sarcastic remarks like "What if Pence had to dine alone with Angela Merkel or Theresa May? Will he be able to do his job?!" are unhelpful exaggerations. These safeguards are not saying that they can't have professional, one-on-one work meetings with women, where temptation can still occur. Not dining or working late alone with a woman is simple, returning to point 1, avoiding as many opportunities for temptation as possible.

8) If such a situation occurs in which my married boss/ co-worker/ friend informs he that he can't dine with me alone or that we can't work late together, as a woman, I have 2 choices: I can respond with outrage and accuse these men of misogyny, or 2) I can opt to take a more sensible and respectful approach, and have someone accompany us or find an alternative. Do I really need to blow this up and make it about sexism? Why can't we just respect their boundaries, even if we disagree with them, and find a peaceful resolution?

As a single woman, I have dined alone with married male friends. There is a deep level of trust and love in their marriages, which is why their wives have no problem with them eating with me. Great!

But all marriages are different and based on different sets of boundaries/ rules/ agreements/ compromises. And if the boundaries set by Pence helps his marriage, then he and his wife should be accorded the same respect and lack of judgment that we give to married couples who do not have the same inhibitions letting their spouse dine with someone of the opposite sex alone. Personally, I think such boundaries are sensible. Perhaps it's because I'm insecure and don't think I will trust my future husband enough. However, I will accord him the same respect and also ensure that I live the same safeguards as he does. As long as we are both living these safeguards, and working to strengthen our marriage, I don't think it's sexist at all.

Real Men

I am drained from the unrelenting coverage of the transition into a new American presidency, so if you ask me what I think about the new presidency and women's marches, or even how I feel about the Mormon Tabernacle Choir singing at the inauguration, I don't feel anything. I should but I don't.

Sorry.

But I recently saw this story from Facebook, and had to share it. Atif Aslam, a popular Pakistani singer, recently stopped his concert midway to rescue a female audience member sexually harassed by a man next to her. He confronted the man/men and said, "Your mother or your sister could have been here as well," and then told his crew to help the victim on-stage, and escort her to safety. You can read more about it from Huffington Post or watch this video clip on YouTube.

This is what REAL men do. Not feed on misogyny and sexism, or worse, participate in it as the new president has done. Pakistan isn't the safest place for women, but if there are men there who are willing to stand up for women's rights in public, then surely there should be WAY MORE men in countries which claim to be more developed/ progressive/ liberal who do the same.