World's Toughest "Career"

I'm sure many of you have seen this video, "World's Toughest Job":

Which is SO TRUE!

Then, while I was watching THIS VIDEO put out by my church by for Mother's Day under #itwasmom somehow this line struck me as very odd:

"The sticky, sleepless, soul-stretching career (of being a mom)..."

And I thought to myself, "Since when is motherhood a 'career'?"

Now, don't get me wrong. I know that motherhood is a very tough job that is sticky, sleepless and soul-stretching. I'm so grateful for the sacrifices of my own mom.

But the word "career" implies two things:
First, that motherhood can and should be measured in economic terms.
Second, that motherhood is a choice, and that there is an alternative to it. Which makes a lot of sense given that women in developed countries can choose not to have children.

However, this is also where I become dismayed and uncomfortable. Blame it on my LDS upbringing where I learned very conservative concepts about the family, but I strongly believe that motherhood is not simply about justifying it as a worthwhile career choice for women to consider doing. It's not wrong to describe motherhood as a "career" but it's... not quite an appropriate word either. Calling it a "job" or a "career" denigrates its divine purpose, or at least, relegates it to be something less than it was meant to be. Motherhood can be considered a career, but it's also SO MUCH MORE than that.

Unlike an employee, a mother is an essential individual that makes up one of the most fundamental units of society, the family.
Unlike an employee, a mother is indispensable and irreplaceable.
More importantly, unlike an employee, motherhood is a divine calling given to women to help bring about God's eternal plan. There is a sacred purpose to mother- and fatherhood.

Sadly, because society measures a person's worth based purely in economic terms (e.g. "Bill Gates is worth X billions of dollars..."), the worth of a woman is also measured based on these same standards. Hence, "motherhood" needs to be justified as a legitimate "career," and reasons given as to why women should choose to take on this "are-you-out-of-your-mind" job. Or we need to say, "Children are an expensive investment, but the pay-off makes up for it." (How did we get to the point where children are considered "investments?") There is also a gendered double standard of viewing motherhood as a career, but we don't do the same for fatherhood (I could go on, but not here). 

I know most people (and the Church too) recognize that motherhood is more than just a "career," but it's a sad world we live in where something as fundamental and essential as "motherhood" needs to be couched in cold hard economic terms in order for people to consider it worthwhile. Our world really is driven by money isn't it?  

Perhaps this is also why many full-time homemakers (male and female) struggle with self-esteem issues or feel that their lifestyle choice isn't making a difference. It takes a lot of courage to defy the expectations of society, and cling to the fact that you ARE making an indispensable and irreplaceable contribution to society, even if your economic net worth is relatively minuscule. It's even harder for those who come from lower to middle-class families. Unfortunately, we don't live in a society that measures the emotional, mental and social support freely provided by parents, and so these full-time homemakers don't get recognized enough for all they do. 

So even though this is coming after Mother's Day, I want to thank all mothers (full-time homemakers and working moms) who see motherhood as more than just a "career," and who recognize that their worth can't be measured in dollars and cents. Your "job"/ "career" as a mother doesn't even begin to scratch the surface of how vital a role you play in the makeup and building up of society. 

I want to especially recognize my mom for her courage in defying societal expectations to be a full-time homemaker. I will never forget that feeling of security of knowing that when I came home from school everyday, she would be there to greet me. To me, that feeling of security is worth more than all the riches of the world. 

Female Education- It's About Humanity and Basic Human Rights

I am absolutely horrified by the kidnapping of more than 200 Nigerian girls seized from a school last month by the Boko Haram (translated as "Western education is sinful"). You can read the update from the New York Times HERE, which reported that at least 8 more girls have been seized. The goal is to 1) terrorize parents to stop sending their girls to school, and 2) exploit and sell the kidnapped girls.

It makes my blood boil thinking about these atrocities committed in the name of religion. Such abuses (both in terms of the kidnappings, and using religion to justify them) make me absolutely livid.



THIS ARTICLE on the Foreign Policy website is a concise and insightful article about the situation. As the article points out, we are unfortunately still stuck in the "women and children are spoils of war" mentality. Have we not gone past that? Apparently not.
Now, I don't think this is the sole reason why the media has only recently focused more attention on this story, but I do believe it is one reason why it hadn't receive sufficient coverage earlier.
Or sadly, we are a society that has become so numbed by news on war, and more enticed by trivial (and frankly, not as depressing) video clips/ twitters/ social media, that such news doesn't shock us anymore.

What saddens me, however, is that the roots of this "war of terror" on "the West" is so baseless in the very first place. I understand that not everything from the "West" is beneficial. I grew up in Singapore, a fairly Westernized nation compared to many other Asian countries, and have lived in the United States for almost seven years, and still there are certain Western "liberal" concepts and values that I am uncomfortable with. However, my Western education has also been a tremendous source of ideas and information that has broadened my worldview, and challenged me think beyond my mental boundaries. At the very least, it's made me more understanding of people who come from a different set of values and culture.
To say that "Western education is sinful" is to be too extreme and intransigent. And to blame the West for more progressive ideas about educating females? That's a fallacy right there. It's not about "clash of civilizations/ cultures/ religion" when you provide formal education for girls. It's about humanity and basic human rights.

Even if you disagree with such notions about female education, inflicting violence is hardly a viable solution. I can't even imagine the terror felt by the kidnapped girls and their families, and I feel their heartbreak as their chances of rescue grow dimmer everyday.



Praying for the safe return of these girls to their families.

Turning Point

January 2011

The Woodrow Wilson International Center for Scholars

National Geographic photographer Lynsey Addario

presented

Women in Afghanistan

This woman was 12 when she married, and husband beat her so badly, she ran away, only to be caught by her husband who cut off her nose, ears and hair. Thankfully, she was able to later seek help at a women's shelter, and came to the United States for reconstructive surgery.

A 22 year old prison inmate. Her crime? Asking for a divorce from her husband who was 70 years old and paralyzed.

A hospital in Faizabad, a provincial capital. Afghan doctors, nurses and midwives, trained in Russia and Kabul, work to deliver twins even in sub-par hospital conditions.

After years of abuse, Afghan women are beginning to fight back and reclaim their humanity. 

Sadly, women (and men and children) in other countries, like Darfur, are still ravaged by war.

Burning of villages. Severe malnutrition. 

I sat there, stunned and speechless, as I felt my heart break into pieces. 

Why was this even happening? How can people be so cruel? How did we descend to this point? 

This was my turning point, my awakening.

Why am I a feminist? Because of these images. 

Faith and Feminism

I'm a Mormon.

There, upfront and honest about it.

Mormon and feminist? Yup! And darn proud of it. Because my feminism stems from my membership of THE CHURCH OF JESUS CHRIST OF LATTER-DAY SAINTS (heretofore referred to as "the Church'"). They go hand-in-hand. Time and time again, Church leaders have taught women of the church that-
1) they are precious daughters of a loving Heavenly Father who wants the best for them, just as He does for His sons;
2) women should gain the best education possible;
3) they are equal partners with the men in a marriage, meaning that it requires complete mental, emotional and physical fidelity from both spouses and sharing of child-rearing responsibilities;
4) every ordinance/ ritual necessary for salvation is equally available to them as they are to men;
5) women have a divine purpose on earth and responsibility to nurture those around them;
6) they will make mistakes, but that's why the atonement and grace of Jesus Christ is vital for salvation;
7) once again, God loves His daughters.

The Church also teaches members that Mother Eve, the first female creation of God on this earth, did not bring about the curse of mortality due to her partaking of the Forbidden Fruit. Rather, Eve took a courageous step in leaving the Garden of Eden, which paved the way for Mankind to be born, gain a mortal body and experience mortal life, i.e. if Adam and Eve continued to live in the Garden of Eden, we wouldn't be here on this earth.

Examining the above list, I dare say that Church theology and teachings are rather *gasp* feminist. Yes it is. Which is precisely why I'm a Mormon and feminists.

Now, the Church is a patriarchal church. It's theology is not, but the church structure and leadership hierarchy is patriarchal in nature. Let's just admit that. It's something feminists who are members of the Church have to grapple with- are they content to accept it and move on from there? Or are they going to agitate for change?

More liberal feminists will vote for the latter. Me, I'm okay with it, more a "neutral." There are many reasons why, but I'm not going into them for this post. All I'm going to say for now is that I have found value and benefits from voluntarily "submitting" to the patriarchal structure of the church. A paradox but it's my reality.

Which is why I do not follow the Feminist Mormon Housewives or the Young Mormon Feminists blogs, and I do not support the Ordain Woman Movement. Let's get that out of the way as well. I have a friend (an active member) who has contributed a few posts to the Young Mormon Feminists blog, and I have enjoyed reading some of her postings. But there are also other postings on that blog that I disagree and feel uncomfortable with.

Therefore, here are some things to note about my blog:

a) This is not a feminist blog that will advocate for change to the patriarchal structure of the Church.

b) This blog might comment on the cultural aspects of being a Mormon that consciously/ unconsciously promotes gender inequality, depending on my mood and how passionate I feel about the issue. E.g. I would have posted something about lowering the age at which sister missionaries can serve from 21 to 19 = eradicating the cultural stigma that sisters serve missions because they can't get married => a positive change. However, this change took place before this blog was created, but you get my meaning. 

c) This blog is focused mainly on non-Mormon issues pertaining to womanhood, sisterhood and feminism. That's right, non-Mormon issues. Feminism is so much more than just talking about gender inequality within the Church, although there is a place and time for that. I'm more interested in talking about gender inequality outside of it. You may not agree with the direction my blog is going in, but this is me and this is who I am.  

I am a Mormon and a feminist. 

Let the postings begin!

Beginnings

Feminism: A dirty word linked to radical women who burn bras and hate men.

WRONG.

- Do you believe that women should have equal access to educational opportunities as the men?
- Do you believe that women should have the right to vote?
- Do you believe that women should receive equal pay for an equal amount of work performed as the men?
- Do you believe that men and women should be treated with respect and dignity?
- Do you believe that women's voices need to be heard with regards to political, economic and social issues, alongside the men's?
- Do you believe that men and women should NEVER be raped? That under no circumstances is rape ever permissible?

If you answered "yes" to all the above (that's right, ALL of them. If you said "no" to even one, I don't think we can be friends), guess what?

You
are
a 
FEMINIST!!! 

Notice how the Oxford English Dictionary (2014) defines feminism: the advocacy of equality of the sexes and the establishment of the political, social, and economic rights of the female sex; the movement associated with this. 

"Really?! That's not true. I believe in all those but I don't agree with much of what feminists write on Facebook/ twitter/ other forms of social media," you say.

Such a misunderstanding on feminism stems from how people perceive feminism and feminists. I wrote a post on my other blog back in December 2012, explaining that people usually think of feminists as this:

The truth is, feminists are really like this:

There is a spectrum of feminism that ranges from conservative to liberal. Feminists will disagree with each other over the definitions of "equality," the methods of obtaining equality, and the limits of equality.

Thus, liberal feminists will push more boundaries than conservative or moderate feminists are comfortable doing. They tend to be more vocal and will agitate for greater change. Liberal feminism also dominated the Second Wave Feminist Movement of the 1970s in the United States, and continues to do so in contemporary times. This is why most popular articles and talks by American feminists today fall on the more liberal side of the spectrum, and is part of the reason why people simply lump all feminists together. At the end of the day, whatever side of the feminist spectrum you are on, feminists are all trying in their own way and through own method to do one thing: improve the status of women.

There are many women and men who are feminists, but who simply don't agree with or only agree with parts of the dominate discourse of liberal feminists. I'm one of them. I'm a more moderate-conservative feminist.

Which is why I decided to start this blog. I got tired of reading feminists articles that spoke to me 80%, but left me feeling uncomfortable with the remaining 20%. I got tired of hearing current feminist discourse that claimed to speak on behalf of all feminists, but really ignored the voices of conservative feminists.

On the other hand, I also got tired of defending feminism to my family and friends who think I'm some sort of radical hippie that is going to start revolting against authority. I got tired of receiving dirty looks and hurtful remarks for proudly proclaiming that I'm a feminist. And I got tired of hearing my more conservative friends deride feminism as an evil that needs to be eradicated.

In short, I got tired and fed up, and need an outlet where I can simply refer everyone to what I mean by feminism.

So this is what my blog is about. It's about MY OWN UNIQUE TYPE OF FEMINISM. It's mine. No one else. I don't speak for anyone else or even for any side of the feminists spectrum. This is
My Kind of Feminism.

So settle down and please check back regularly. I will be writing posts and sharing articles/ videos that I love as often as possible. You may not agree with all I say, but I do hope that overall, you will enjoy reading this blog.