Lately, discussions about "rape" and "rape culture" has been a hot topic lately, especially with the high profile accusations against Bill Cosby for allegedly drugging and raping over 20 women, and the botched Rolling Stones article about the University of Virginia fraternity rape. To drive home the point, I read a blog post the other day commenting about the Christmas song, "Baby, It's Cold Outside," in which the author argued that the song hints of drug-rape. Of course, that might be reading too much into the song, but after reading the blog post, well, you can't help but wonder if the author had a valid point.
These past few days, a lesbian friend of mine has also taken to Facebook to create a movement in Columbus to boycott a LGBT club, Wall Street Night Club. It started when she and her partner were at the club, and noticed a flyer advertising a comic performance with a disgusting caricature image of Bill Cosby raping a scantily-clad Kim Kardashian (I've seen the flier and it is extremely distasteful). My friend told the club owner about her objections to the flyer, to which the owner retorted by calling my friend an "angry dyke." To cut a long story short, the club refused to apologize for the flyer (justification: censorship is never okay), and now there is a Facebook group for dykes and their allies in Columbus who support the boycott, and are anti-sexual violence in general (yes, I'm a member because I support their cause).
I'm not going to add much since there is already so much out there about this topic, but here are some things I want my children, daughters and sons, to know about rape and sexual violence:
- Rape is NEVER right. If you are forced to perform a sexual act against your consent, single or married, conscious or unconscious, it's rape. Meanwhile, if your partner says "no," you jolly well respect that and stop.
- It's NEVER too late to tell your story of rape, such as Abigail Hauslohner who wrote this piece for the Washington Post, "It Should Never Be Too Late To Tell Your Story of Rape. 14 Years Later, This is Mine."
- You don't deserve to be raped EVER, even if what you wore/ did aroused and provoked your rapist. See point 1.
- On the other hand, your dressing and actions do impact those around you. So, even though dressing and behaving modestly is not solely about helping others control their thoughts and actions, you can do your part to create a more conducive environment that encourages cleaner thoughts and higher standards of behavior.
- Rape is NEVER funny, even when disguised as a comic performance meant to provoke discussion about rape. Hidden scars run deep and you never know how it will affect victims of sexual assault.
- Wolf-whistling isn't paying a compliment; it's sexual harassment, and you have a right to report it. For that matter, do your part to stop wolf-whistling and other forms of sexual harassment.
- The gospel counsels us to "stand in holy places," practice the Word of Wisdom, and live the law of chastity for good reason. Obedience to such teachings doesn't guarantee that you won't find yourself hurt, but it does significantly decrease your chances of being sexually harassed and violated.
- If, however, you fall victim to rape, remember that there is absolutely nothing for you to be ashamed of. You are not dirty/ unclean/ worthless. Unfortunately, we live in a society that perpetuates "rape culture" to a certain degree, and shames raped victims (see HERE for a good article of "rape culture"). This is WRONG.
- Most importantly, I love you and want you to know that you can always talk to me if you have been sexually assaulted. Rape is never right, and it's never too late to tell someone about it. True, there are rapists who will never be caught, and will only face justice in the next life. But you can overcome that horrid experience and move on, because you are strong and loved. I don't know why God allows such things to happen-- I myself struggle with this question. But I do know that without God, nothing will be made right, but with God, all things are possible. Never forget that.
"If our lives are centered on Christ, nothing can ever go permanently wrong.
But if they're not centered on Christ, nothing can ever go permanently right."
Sheri L. Dew, quoting Howard W. Hunter
"Sweet Above all that is Sweet," BYU Women's Conference
