She's Beautiful When She's Angry

I had the opportunity to watch a special screening of She's Beautiful When She's Angry, a documentary about the Second Wave Feminist Movement (more info about the film HERE). If I could, I would buy it on DVD and screen it whenever possible, because it explains why I self-identify as a feminist. The title seems to reinforce the stereotype that feminists are a bunch of "angry" women, but don't be turned off by it--I think it was a deliberate choice by the producers to use this word, and refers to the fact that the movement united angry, fed up women against an excessively condescending patriarchy.

The film was deftly edited, and allowed movement women to speak for themselves. There wasn't a narrator to tell you how to think or make the connections between scenes, and yet the film came together in one coherent narrative. Kudos to the producers for also giving a balanced portrayal of the strengths and weaknesses of the movement, what it accomplished and what it failed to do. If there was one glaring weakness about the film, it would be that it was silent on the issue of full-time homemakers. This shouldn't be a surprise since much of the movement was about getting women out of the home, and ignored how some women wanted to stay at home (hence the strong backlash by more conservative women and failure to pass the ERA). Perhaps this is one failure of the movement that even feminists today are still not ready to discuss.

Still, the film reminded its audience of how much good came out of it, positive changes that women in America (including me) take for granted today because it seems so commonsense. Yet, if it wasn't for the Feminist Movement...

• Women would be solely defined by their sexuality and relationship to men, e.g. you should only dress/ act to please your man, not yourself; your needs need to revolve around your man. 
• Men would consider it their prerogative to rape women, and doctors would still blame victims for it. (A fight that is still ongoing)
• The medical field would continue to be all-male, and male doctors tell order women how to think and feel about their bodies. 
• Pharmaceutical companies and doctors would not be held accountable for selling harmful birth control pills with insane levels of estrogen.
• No one would highlight how Miss America and beauty pageants objectified women (reminds me of John Oliver's brilliant commentary about the pageant).
• Women wouldn't realize that they can speak out against street harassment 
• It would be totally acceptable, even expected, for job postings to still have "good looks" as a mandatory requirement, while having a brain was optional. 
• Women would be limited to secretarial positions or menial labor jobs. Glass ceiling? What's that? 
• Disgusting male professors won't be charged with sexual harassment for telling his graduate student, "If I don't f*** you, I will f*** you." True story related by one of the interviewees in the film.
• I won't be able to blog. Who cares about my opinion? I'm a woman so I should shut up. 

Why am I a feminist? Because I want to follow in the footsteps of these women who raised awareness about these issues. I'm not saying that I agree with their entire platform, and even feminists fought among themselves (hence the inter-movement divisions as seen in the film), but I can still recognize and applaud their courage to organize and speak out. And because of them, I live in a society that is safer, more accepting of women in powerful positions, and where women have more control over their bodies.

New Year, Same Old Issues

Happy New Year Everyone! Another post to bring your mind back to the awful state of earthly affairs that continues to plague society today on this brand new day and year- sorry! That's what you get when you follow the blog of a feminist who reads the news everyday (:p)

Anyway, today's post doesn't come from the news (although I just read in the New York Times that the 270+ girls kidnapped by the Boko Harem in April are still missing... my guess is they have since been sold to slavery, and my heart aches for them). Rather, it's about how numbed society has become to using women's bodies. Take, for example, last night's television program, New Year's Eve with Carson Daly. I was at a friend's house celebrating the New Year, and we began watching the show around 11:40pm. There, on the host platform, sat Daly, actors Terry Crews and Ken Marino, and (gorgeous) model Chrissy Teigan, hurdled around a fire to discuss what went down in 2014.

Everything's cool, except that poor Teigan wore a short dress that exposed her bare thighs, and an unbuttoned jacket that covered her bare hands and shoulders but did nothing for her bared upper chest area. As for accessories, she had gloves and knee-high boots on (thank goodness!) but no hat--didn't want to mess up her beautifully-styled hair, you know.

In contrast, her fellow hosts, all male, were bundled up to the max! Hats, gloves, scarves, layers of tops... the only skin exposed to the camera were their faces. Terry Crews tore off his shirt after the countdown (ha ha ha), but put it back on soon afterward because, guys, DECEMBER NIGHTS IN NEW YORK CITY ARE FREEZING COLD.

So, why is it that women are expected to freeze their butt off for television, but not men? Double standard yeah?

I don't dress celebrities so I don't know how the process goes, but I'm guessing that it's a negotiation that takes place between the producers/ crew and the celebrities. In all likelihood, the producers asked Teigan to expose a little more skin, and she agreed to it, so it's not as if she was coerced to do so.

I just think that we have become a society that is too used to this double standard of using women's body to "oomph" the sex appeal of a television program in order to increase viewership. I'm not saying that to solve this, 1) we ask the men to strip too, OR 2) women should all start dressing in dowdy, baggy, long-everything clothing. No, no, no. Even I, as a heterosexual woman, can appreciate a little sex appeal from women (emphasis on the word "little").

"Wait, how can you as a Mormon feminist say things like that?" you ask. My reply is long and complicated, and I can elaborate more on another post, but the short answer is: Look, in an ideal society, women wouldn't  need or want to use their bodies to fight for a place at the entertainment table. Unfortunately, we live in a fallen, carnal world where human beings, male and female, are visual creatures. And because I personally am an extreme realist, I understand the power of visual appeal. Even church leaders have commented that we need to take care of our physical bodies and strive to look our very best (see last 3 paragraphs of this article), albeit in a modest manner.

However, there needs to be a balance, and I don't think it is too much to ask that Teigan bundle up a little more for a) practical purposes of health preservation. There is no way she was not freezing her tail off dressed like that; and b) to combat this double standard. Surely she can still remain appealing (and even sexy) without having to resort to skin-baring on that frigid winter night.

What I Want My Children to Know About Rape

I know it's the Christmas/ New Year season, and I don't want to put a damper on everyone's celebrations by talking about rape. But 1) I finally have time to blog, and 2) perhaps it is a fitting time to talk about it what with people visiting and the alcohol flowing.

Lately, discussions about "rape" and "rape culture" has been a hot topic lately, especially with the high profile accusations against Bill Cosby for allegedly drugging and raping over 20 women, and the botched Rolling Stones article about the University of Virginia fraternity rape. To drive home the point, I read a blog post the other day commenting about the Christmas song, "Baby, It's Cold Outside," in which the author argued that the song hints of drug-rape. Of course, that might be reading too much into the song, but after reading the blog post, well, you can't help but wonder if the author had a valid point.

These past few days, a lesbian friend of mine has also taken to Facebook to create a movement in Columbus to boycott a LGBT club, Wall Street Night Club. It started when she and her partner were at the club, and noticed a flyer advertising a comic performance with a disgusting caricature image of Bill Cosby raping a scantily-clad Kim Kardashian (I've seen the flier and it is extremely distasteful). My friend told the club owner about her objections to the flyer, to which the owner retorted by calling my friend an "angry dyke." To cut a long story short, the club refused to apologize for the flyer (justification: censorship is never okay), and now there is a Facebook group for dykes and their allies in Columbus who support the boycott, and are anti-sexual violence in general (yes, I'm a member because I support their cause).

I'm not going to add much since there is already so much out there about this topic, but here are some things I want my children, daughters and sons, to know about rape and sexual violence:

- Rape is NEVER right. If you are forced to perform a sexual act against your consent, single or married, conscious or unconscious, it's rape. Meanwhile, if your partner says "no," you jolly well respect that and stop.

- It's NEVER too late to tell your story of rape, such as Abigail Hauslohner who wrote this piece for the Washington Post, "It Should Never Be Too Late To Tell Your Story of Rape. 14 Years Later, This is Mine."

- You don't deserve to be raped EVER, even if what you wore/ did aroused and provoked your rapist. See point 1.

- On the other hand, your dressing and actions do impact those around you. So, even though dressing and behaving modestly is not solely about helping others control their thoughts and actions, you can do your part to create a more conducive environment that encourages cleaner thoughts and higher standards of behavior.

- Rape is NEVER funny, even when disguised as a comic performance meant to provoke discussion about rape. Hidden scars run deep and you never know how it will affect victims of sexual assault.

- Wolf-whistling isn't paying a compliment; it's sexual harassment, and you have a right to report it. For that matter, do your part to stop wolf-whistling and other forms of sexual harassment.

- The gospel counsels us to "stand in holy places," practice the Word of Wisdom, and live the law of chastity for good reason. Obedience to such teachings doesn't guarantee that you won't find yourself hurt, but it does significantly decrease your chances of being sexually harassed and violated.

- If, however, you fall victim to rape, remember that there is absolutely nothing for you to be ashamed of. You are not dirty/ unclean/ worthless. Unfortunately, we live in a society that perpetuates "rape culture" to a certain degree, and shames raped victims (see HERE for a good article of "rape culture"). This is WRONG.

- Most importantly, I love you and want you to know that you can always talk to me if you have been sexually assaulted. Rape is never right, and it's never too late to tell someone about it. True, there are rapists who will never be caught, and will only face justice in the next life. But you can overcome that horrid experience and move on, because you are strong and loved. I don't know why God allows such things to happen-- I myself struggle with this question. But I do know that without God, nothing will be made right, but with God, all things are possible. Never forget that.

"If our lives are centered on Christ, nothing can ever go permanently wrong. 

But if they're not centered on Christ, nothing can ever go permanently right."

Sheri L. Dew, quoting Howard W. Hunter

"Sweet Above all that is Sweet," BYU Women's Conference

O God, When Will This End?

News just broke that the Taliban staged a siege on an elite army high school, and killed at least 141 students and teachers. The International Business Times UK speculated that it might be linked to Malala Yousafzai's receiving of the Nobel Peace Prize. Even if it's not true, 141 people still dead needlessly today.

O God, when will this end?

I Still Believe Anita Hill

Anita Hill visited OSU yesterday, and it was such a pleasure to attend one of the two events that she graciously agreed to participate in.

For those of you unfamiliar with who she is (don't worry, I didn't know about her either until this event), rewind back to 1991. Clarence Thomas had been nominated by Pres. George W. H. Bush as a Supreme Court Justice, and was waiting for confirmation by the Senate. Part of the confirmation process involved a very thorough background check on the candidate. Enter Anita Hill.

Hill had worked with Thomas from 1981 to 1983, first at the Department of Education's Office of Civil Rights, then at the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission. During those brief years, Thomas harassed Hill by making lewd sexual comments to her about his penis (he named it "Long Dong Silver"- go figure), women in pornographic films, and (probably one of the most famous anecdotes) pubic hair on his coca cola can.

Thomas and Hill when they worked together

Hill complained to her friends, but decided not to pursue charges against Thomas because, well, frankly women "sucked it up" then as part of trying to break the glass ceiling, and if they did file complains, they weren't taken seriously. However, when contacted to comment on Thomas' character during his bid for Supreme Court Justice, Hill finally broke her silence. She initially issued a private statement to the Senate about Thomas' behavior, but that statement was leaked and splashed across national news.  Subpoenaed by the Senate to determine the veracity of her remarks, Hill appeared in front of an all-white, all-male Senate Judiciary Committee, and was forced to rehash the humiliation she suffered under Thomas again and again and again (hence, we know the name of Thomas' penis...).

Unfortunately, the Senate Judiciary Committee did all they could to poke holes into her testimony, and Thomas finally pulled out the "race card," claiming this was a "high-tech lynching" of "uppity Blacks," -- conveniently forgetting that Hill was one of those educated, higher-income African Americans herself, and black women had been lynched historically too! The Senate eventually confirmed Thomas as a S.C. Justice in a 52-48 vote, where he continues to serve today.

All these events were recounted in the moving 2013 documentary, Anita: Speaking Truth to Power, directed by Academy Award-winning filmmaker, Freida Lee Mock. I really want to assign this film as part of my course(s) I teach in the future.

Thankfully, Hill's story has a more auspicious ending. Inspired by her example, more women began coming forward to report cases of sexual harassment in their workplaces, compelling the government to face and atone for its silent complicity of this decades-long pervasive problem. More women also ran for Congress in the 1992 elections, and won 5 seats in the Senate and 24 in the House. Hill is currently a professor at Brandeis University, and travels across the nation to promote an anti-sexual harassment platform at various events, such as the one at OSU where were watched the documentary and then had a Q-&-A session with her and Mock.

Must resist temptation to buy...
Groceries or shirt... 

I have deep admiration for Hill for so many reasons. She had the courage to go up against some powerful men instead of withdrawing her statement (which would have been the easier path to take); she remained calm and poised when coerced to repeat parts of her testimony to a committee that was so obviously misogynistic and wanting to humiliate her; she didn't lose her composure despite the intense media scrutiny; she continues her activism today, speaking out against sexual harassment in the workplace and sexual assault on campuses; she remains down to earth and doesn't use highfalutin language to covey ideas or command respect; she recognizes that both women and men can be victims of sexual violence, and calls for everyone to do their part without being radical.

Sexual violence on campuses and in the workplace are very real problems, and we are only beginning to address these issues, such as California's Senate Bill 967 (and even then, this policy has its problems). It's an uphill, arduous, and never-ending journey, but we would do well to join Hill on this trek. After all, everyone -- women, men, children -- benefit when public places are safer spaces.

The Gospel vs. Feminism- FALSE DICHOTOMY

Last night, a group of friends and I were having dinner, when my friends brought up a previous conversation they had over feminism and the gospel. From what I understood, someone said something negative about feminism, and the two females there defended it, and after going back and forth a bit, one guy finally made the statement that if the gospel was preached to everyone, there wouldn't be a need for feminism.

Well that shut the conversation up because who was going to argue against the gospel of Jesus Christ? (They were all practicing Mormons) Plus, it made sense, right? After all, feminism was/ is a reaction to patriarchal oppression, and so if ideally everyone lived the gospel as they should, there wouldn't be any form of bullying, oppression and discrimination. Everyone would treat each other kindly and as equals, thus there wouldn't be a need for feminism.

Yet, something didn't sit quite right to me. As I pondered this issue, I finally realized what didn't feel right-- it was this dichotomy that feminism is antithetical to the gospel of Jesus Christ. I don't think my friends intentionally set up this dichotomy, and I don't think they even realized that they did, but essentially it pitted feminism against the gospel. Because if everyone had and lived the gospel, we wouldn't need feminism.

And this was what I disagreed with because to me, THE GOSPEL IS ABOUT FEMINISM, and you can't separate the two. I am a feminist because I am a Mormon. I'm not a feminist "despite"/ "in spite of" being a Mormon. Rather, living the gospel of Jesus Christ propels me to be a feminist. I suspect that a lot of members, male and female, would come to a consciousness of their own feminism if
1) the term "feminism" hadn't been monopolized and politicized by Western liberal feminists
2) if the Ordain Women fiasco hadn't happened, smearing the term "feminism"
3) if we would, once and for all, eradicate all misinformation that feminism = anti-male. This leads many to believe that feminists = anti-priesthood leaders = anti-prophet and apostles = unfaithful members. UNTRUE

To me, if everyone had and lived the gospel of Jesus Christ according to the very highest standards, I think a lot more people would realize that they too are feminists. Of course, there are many definitions of "feminism" and "feminists" but at a very basic level, a feminist is one who seeks for the equality of genders in a societal system that has created and erected artificial barriers that suppress women unfairly below men solely because of her gender.
Feminists fight against such barriers-- and isn't this what the gospel of Jesus Christ is partly about? Breaking down artificial barriers and prejudices, and treating everyone as equals and with kindness?

I have always remembered what I read in James E. Talmage's Jesus the Christ so many years ago while on my mission:

"The world's greatest champion of woman and womanhood is Jesus Christ."

Jesus Christ lived in a patriarchal society where women were considered and treated as inferior to men. Yet, the Bible is filled with stories of Him breaking misogynistic social barriers to show those around him that women mattered, and that women deserved to be treated with compassion and respect, equal to that shown to the men. If Christ did not have the courage to do so, how different would the Bible be? Just imagine, what if we read that Jesus Christ

• Was rude to his mother, and instead of listening to her pleadings for his help at the wedding in Cana to solve the problem of the shortage of wine, told her instead, "Woman, you should have planned better." 
• Even at His darkest hour while hanging on the cross, ignored his mother's desperation and heartsickness, and abandoned her to fend for herself, even though he knew that John the disciple was capable of taking care of her.   
• In the name of cold, hard "justice," allowed the stoning of the woman caught in adultery
• Refused to heal the woman who secretly touched his garment.
• Rebuffed Mary and Martha's efforts to prepare a meal for him, and wouldn't even enter their home.
• Dismissed Mary and Martha's pleas to raise their brother from the dead. 

Or, what if we imagined the Four Books of the Gospels without the stories of Christ treating women with love, kindness and patience. The Bible would then become a guide on how Jesus treated the men, but it would be silent on how to view and treat women. I shudder to think of how later Christians might have taken this (already there is so much debate about Paul's words that women should not speak in church...).

This is why I believe that the gospel cannot exist without feminism. It wouldn't be the gospel if  Christ didn't show the ultimate example of how to treat those who were considered inferior. It is precisely because Christ was such a champion of woman, and so revolutionary for his time, that the gospel resonates and has so much power with people across space and time. I'm not saying that Jesus Christ was a feminist- "feminist" and 'feminism" are terms of our age, and I can't rewind time and ask Christ if He considers himself a feminist. However, I stand by my belief that the gospel teaches feminist principles.

I have listed other examples of how the gospel is feminist in nature in one of my earlier posts. There is also another BYU professor, Valerie Hudson, who also wrote this article back in 2010 explaining why feminism led her to join the LDS Church.

Hence, it's not that there wouldn't be a need for feminism if everyone knew about and lived the gospel in the most ideal way. On the contrary, feminism would thrive wherever the gospel was spread to because it teaches men to love, respect and treat females with kindness in appropriate ways (and vice-versa).

Sorry, but I'm standing with my female friends in this debate.

Motherhood Matters- HECK YES!!!

I loved this article, written by April Perry from Power of Moms, that was just published in the Deseret News on September 3, 2014. In fact, I love it so much, I'm re-publishing excerpts here (FULL ARTICLE HERE) because it has such a vital message to all mothers everywhere. Let me know what you think! 

Motherhood Matters: 6 reasons to never give up on motherhood

by April Powers

....

Never, never, never give up.

So simple, really. But that phrase has come back to me time and again, and today, I feel impressed to share it.

All of us have challenging times in our lives, and there are varying ways we might choose to give up.

Sometimes mothers mentally check out — and just stop trying. Giving up might mean permanently walking out on the family — thinking that everyone would be better off if Mom weren't there. In some heartbreaking cases, "giving up" means suicide, and children are left to fend for themselves — or make do with a new guardian who tries to take Mom's place. I know I don't fully understand the feelings that would lead to such an extreme, but I can empathize with the perspective a friend shared: "Death is easier than what I am living right now."

I'm not sure who is going to read this post, but if you have ever felt like giving up on motherhood, here are six reasons to stay strong:

1. We are not alone.

Every mother (even if she looks totally put together) has discouraging times.

We might need to look deeper and get past all the talk about room remodels, vacations and parties, but if we look carefully (and encourage honesty), we'll see that everyone else is just as human as we are.

Finding a trusted group of friends and reaching out to other moms has literally been a lifesaver for many, many women. 

...

Sometimes we just need to open up and get talking in order to find the friends we need. [And can I say this has helped me as I've opened myself and talked to friends and fellow grad students about the struggles of grad school? I  truly believe sharing, even just verbal sharing, makes burdens lighter.]

2. Children would rather have an imperfect mom who is struggling to be better than no mom at all.

Deep down we all know this, but we need to remember it — and really believe it.

I heard a story about a young man who went to live with his extended family after his mother took her own life. At his first back-to-school night, hundreds of miles away from his former life, he paused outside the doorway of his classroom and quietly said to his aunt, "Can you please just tell my teacher that you're my mom?"

This story touches my heart every time I think about it...

And I think about my children, who see me at my very worst, but love me anyway. They are so quick to forgive.

I never want my little ones to have to explain to anyone why I gave up. So I won't. I just won't give up.

3. There is beauty all around us. We just need to train ourselves to see it.

I have the opportunity to speak with mothers all around the world, and I know this life doesn't always feel beautiful.

What's beautiful about being so exhausted that you can't even get everyone out of the house? How is it beautiful when your bank account has $3.23, and it's three days until the next paycheck? Where is the beauty in children arguing over who left the milk on the counter?

It's beautiful because it's yours. Because it's real. And because it's full of potential.

Think of a lump of clay, a blank canvas, that seed covered with dirt. What about the bare maple tree in winter? Or the darkest part of the night?

It's about perspective and potential.

The way we enable ourselves to see that beauty is by polishing the lenses through which we see the world. And that's done by taking care of ourselves.

When we get away occasionally with friends, regularly make time to exercise well, eat food that fuels us, get enough rest, and remember we're people, the world looks better. (Click here for an article about getting an extra hour of quiet time each day.)

Is it hard to do these things? You bet. But we do it because it transforms our perspective on life.

4. We have a purpose that's uniquely ours.

...

[Story of author miraculously walking away, completely unharmed, after being ran over by a truck with a camper when she was only 18 months old!]

I found this website about children whose lives have been lost in back-over incidents, and not a day goes by that I don't think about my second chance.

Perhaps that's part of why I'm so purpose-driven — because I came so close to losing this opportunity to live a full life.

But here's the thing, it is so easy to get confused about our purposes. We start thinking we have to look a certain way, dress a certain way and have what everyone else has. We read an amazing blog and yearn to replicate what we see. We get frustrated with our children for "getting in our way." I have to remind myself daily to cling to my purpose — not to get distracted by the siren call of all those "extras" that look so appealing.

5. This life isn't just about us.

I have this as a rotating image on my screen saver:

...

Some days are long and stressful, and we have to work frantically just to keep up, but during those times, we can remember that our work, whether appreciated or not, is sustaining the lives of our children. That is noble. That is beautiful.

6. Today is not forever.

My friend told me the story of a mother who took a bath with her newborn baby one morning. I won't elaborate on the details, but the baby made an explosive mess, and the mother had to yell for her husband to bring a towel and help her get cleaned up. We've all had those really gross moments.

But in the midst of the yuck, she heard a little voice in her head say, "Today is not forever."

Fast-forward a couple of hours, and that same mom was sitting on the couch with her preschool son, who was climbing on her back and laughing while she tickled his legs. His arms wrapped tight around her neck, and smiles covered their faces as they enjoyed the moment.

Then she heard that same voice, reminding her of the same truth, "Today is not forever."

Whatever it is that we're cherishing at the moment — or praying we can simply overcome — our lives won't always be the way they are now.

We have choices and power to change in areas where we are weak. And we have the fortitude to get through those days that feel impossible.

...

It's my hope that each of us can accept the simple challenge to never give up on this beautiful life.

This article is courtesy of Power of Moms, an online gathering place for deliberate mothers.